If you would have told me five years ago what my life would look like today, I wouldn’t have believed you.

Back in 2018, I was a fresh college grad who took a job as a full-time nanny, and I was in a long-term relationship with my best friend that I never thought would end. The world was my oyster. Nothing could have dimmed my belief that by 27, I would be married, thinking about kid number two, and living in the suburbs with my college sweetheart.

words + photographs LAUREN O’STEEN

In a short matter of time, the rug was whisked away with me still standing on it. The love of my life, who I had grown so dependent upon, delivered the news he didn’t want to marry me. The realization rocked my world and turned everything I thought I knew upside down.

I was living alone and spent many a night just sobbing on my kitchen floor. I was grieving the dreams of the life I thought I’d have, along with the loss of a person who meant the world to me.

The only place I had the capacity to be was at the feet of Jesus. As the world I’d built up in my dreams had come crumbling down, the truth Jesus was my one constant hit me harder than ever before. A lot of time spent with Jesus healed my heart in a big way and guided me to the season of life I’m in now.

I have come to a point where I enjoy my life so much as a single woman, a statement I never thought I’d be able to say. I always thought I had to be married with kids to feel like my life was on track. But now, I lead a full life and a jam-packed schedule with professional obligations, time with roommates and a social calendar.

After living alone for almost three years, I recently moved into a house with two of my best friends. I honestly was worried it would be a huge adjustment, but it has turned into the biggest blessing. I live hours away from relatives, but these women have become family to me. When I lived alone, it was easy to feel isolated because when I got home from work, it was just me. No one was there to greet me, ask about my day or hang out with me. My roommates help me feel part of something bigger.

As I’ve grown in this gift of singleness, which the Bible describes as a time to be completely devoted to the Lord, I’ve been able to nail down my true-to-me priorities.

I’ve realized the effort it takes to date someone seriously. I’ve attempted to date casually, but ultimately, I greatly desire to be married and have kids. I find myself dreading the thought of shifting my life around to incorporate someone into it when I’m seen as merely a summer fling.

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I want to be intentional with how I spend my time, and I want to do matterful things.

My life is full and lacking nothing because of Christ. Reality is, life is short. Our time on earth is a wisp and a vapor. I want to make the most of my time here. I want to leave the world a better place. I want to be intentional with how I spend my time, and I want to do matterful things.

It’s important I think critically in dating because the person I marry will impact the way I spend the rest of my life. He will walk with me through my best days and my worst days. If he has different priorities or values than I do, how will I hold onto what’s most important to me? Deciding who to marry is no small feat. However, the God I serve has my entire future in His hands. He is so careful with my life I can live carefree before Him.

Living in community allows me to date with my eyes wide open, receive honest feedback from my closest friends who love me and love Jesus, and focus on what life is all about: growing to be more like Him. As the three of us begin to dip our toes into the dating pool, we can keep each other in a reality check. We’re all in similar seasons of life, so we scope out red flags in each other’s potential mates and keep each other accountable. I prayed for these kinds of friendships for a long time post breakup. My life is exactly where it’s supposed to be now that I’m living in biblical community.

Sharing a house with other people forces me to think outside of myself. I have a front row seat to struggles my friends go through (and vice versa). I celebrate all sorts of tiny victories, from promotions to great first dates. I listen to retellings about tough moments. I laugh for hours at the silly things happening in our lives. I sacrifice self to be there for them. I make myself do the dishes after a long day of work in hopes of making their evenings a little easier. I grow in love as I put my life mates before myself.

Considering other people moves me out of my own head in the most beautiful way. Instead of going through life alone, we are a team working towards a common goal: to run our races well.

I am so thankful the Lord knew what I needed more than I could have ever anticipated. I am more excited now than ever to see what the future holds. LO

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