How can God use me in this situation?
I’m not capable of any of this.

Fifteen words combined together to form a common, almost daily conversation I have with God.

Worry. Stress. Anxiety. Failure. When to be a mama bear and when to rein it in? All things going through my head as a mama of not just two boys, but two boys diagnosed with autism.

words + photographs CHRISSY COLEMAN

And now I’m running from therapy to school to another activity, and I have no idea how I can squeeze a 30-minute lunch in with a friend. I go to the Lord again with more words, straight from my heart.

God, how am I going to set time aside to nurture this new relationship? Set aside time to hug my friend, to listen to my friend who is struggling?

My son, Steven, was diagnosed with autism in October 2018. My life was flipped upside down. I wondered how, why.

I blamed myself.
Sometimes I still do.

Those first years were hard. Change still is. Patience will always be needed.

When small victories did occur after the diagnosis, the celebration was usually short-lived due to a setback.

We would be relieved when Steven would tolerate a new food, but then he would get sick with an ear infection. Without him uttering a word of reasoning, he would refuse to eat said food again.

Or, our little boy would have a great day at school, completing all of his work and goals. But if he didn’t sleep well the night before or his routine was disrupted, the rest of the day would be tough. Sometimes, it would take days before he could get back to where he was.

It felt like one step forward, two steps back. No one understood what I was going through as a mother. My husband, Ross, was struggling right along with me. I took a beating from people I knew, as well as strangers, because my kid has autism.

“You need to discipline him more,” they would say. “Why don’t you try this?” And, “He will grow out of it.”

The stares. It was tough. I was in survival mode. Trying to protect my family, while trying to cover all of the wounds I received from other people.

God, how can You use this?
God, I have a hard time seeing the blessings at the moment.

While other kids were enjoying birthday parties, games, playdates, I was over here longing for my kid to have one friend. When other parents were tired of their kids asking incessant questions, I was wishing mine would ask one. I longed for my son to tell me how his day went or what he was feeling.

Then God interjected.
Give Me the Autism, He said.

I realized I was trying to control every situation. I was internalizing all of the blame, and I was also setting up false expectations for myself that would always end in failure.

God was patient but persistent.

“Chrissy, give Me Steven’s autism. You dedicated Steven to Me. You need to give Me all of him. That includes autism.”

God’s caring words resonated with me for a long time. Throughout the next couple of years, Ephesians 2:10 was continually placed on my heart.

“For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do,” (Ephesians 2:10).

But God personalized His Word.

For Steven is God’s handiwork.
For Chrissy is God’s handiwork.
For Ross is God’s handiwork.
For Caleb is God’s handiwork.

And each of us was created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.

Wow! Since I was a child, that verse has been branded on my heart for such a time as this.

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My perspective changed. I wasn’t alone.

In the early years of Steven’s diagnosis, I definitely felt alone. I felt like I was navigating this mess all by myself, but you know what? God reminded me of 1 Peter 5:9. And around that time, I started meeting several moms struggling with the same or similar things. My perspective changed. I wasn’t alone. God intentionally put people in my life to love and support me and my family.

How do I navigate a world where people have little to no knowledge about autism? How do I deal with people who think they know the answers, but don’t actually understand?  

I was going about it all wrong. I needed to educate them with love and patience.

I have been able to share my story with moms, who, like me, thought they were going through their struggles alone, not just with their kids with special needs, but also with handling their finances, navigating insurance companies, advocating for their kids, being a wife, plugging into a church, and also working on lasting friendships.

They needed to know it’s OK to say, “No.” They needed to know rest is very important. They needed to know it’s OK to rely on people. (I struggle to rely on people, which makes sense because it took me a while to trust God with my son’s diagnosis of autism.)

Through all of this, I have been able to direct mamas back to God’s Word. Letting them know “the same kind of suffering is being experienced by your brotherhood around the world” (1 Peter 5:9).

Through our story, we have been able to show others the many blessings God has bestowed upon us. Some people want to know more about how God is using us. Some people end up complaining about their kids or their spouses. Others let us know they know all about autism. Whatever their position regarding autism, spiritual beliefs, politics, it doesn’t matter.

God has given me this unique story, this crazy chaotic life, so I can share it with that one mom who is struggling and looking for hope.

If you are that mom, Girl, I got you.

I’ve been where you are. I’ve struggled. I’ve been knocked down by others. Beaten up by my own insecurities. Doubted myself. Considered myself inadequate at everything.

But you and I are God’s handiwork, created to do good works, which God has already prepared.

Likewise, God continually reminds me through hymns, people I love and care about and circumstances that He has always been faithful. As the song says, “Strength for today and bright hopes for tomorrow. Great is Thy faithfulness, Lord, unto me.”

By giving over every part of Steven and his younger brother, Caleb, to God and not limiting what God can do with either of their lives, Steven and Caleb have far surpassed expectations of what many people – including healthcare professionals – have expected. As of Feb. 12, 2024, Steven has accepted Jesus Christ as his Lord and Savior. A blessing Ross and I did not foresee. Our God is good, and He is good all the time.

God has forged some amazing relationships throughout the years because of autism. Amazing relationships within our church, at the clinic where our boys receive Applied Behavioral Analysis (ABA) therapy, within our community, anywhere. God has used, and will continue to use, our imperfect story to connect with others, create lasting friendships, and – especially – share the beautiful hope we have in Jesus.

Chrissy Coleman is wife to Ross and mom to two beautiful, red-headed boys. Each is different in personality, but both have been diagnosed with autism. She never realized how God could use their imperfect lives to forge beautiful relationships. The family lives in Ozark, Missouri.

COVER Chrissy Coleman with her husband, Ross, and their two sons.

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