Homegrown Journal

Every fall season, when a new school year begins, I think about my first year of graduate school. I was excited to begin a new journey as a graduate student in communication studies. I also felt honored to be offered a full ride and stipend as a graduate teaching fellow. I expected this to be my opportunity to earn a graduate degree and then move up the ladder in my marketing career. However, I didn’t realize I was about to take a journey that would take me in new directions and change my entire life forever. Allow me to explain what I mean.

words + photographs DR. STEPHEN SPATES

As a new graduate student, you go through several orientation programs. You spend several days being welcomed and given a lot of information that can feel overwhelming. I felt pretty good about navigating my new graduate life. Afterall, I graduated from my undergraduate program with honors and now had work experience. I felt ready for any challenge that was about to come. Then I attended the new teaching assistant (TA) orientation with my department. At this point, I was able to meet the other students whom I would be in the program with. That’s when I started to lose confidence. Many of them were graduates of the department’s undergraduate program. Several of them also graduated with honors and others were talking about their research interests. Although I had extensive applied experience, I had not engaged in research. I started feeling out of place. I remembered hearing the day before, from a couple professors, that the program is designed to challenge me and even make me question everything. Certainly, that couldn’t happen to me. Up until this point I was so successful; what sort of challenges would I be facing? Once the first day of classes began, I quickly found out.

One of the things I noticed about graduate school was the amount of work changes significantly. The reading and writing demands had doubled. I was expected to contribute to class discussion every week, and there were so many concepts to learn. We were discussing research in every class, and it all felt like a foreign language. By October of that first semester, I started to question everything, just like my professors foreshadowed. I felt like giving up and leaving the program. I began spending every weekend at home (I lived about an hour away); I didn’t attend social gatherings with my classmates; and I would check the mail for a letter dismissing me from the program. I was losing hope and confidence in my own success. I was comparing myself to everyone else and never felt like I measured up. I didn’t read as fast as one classmate; I couldn’t write as well as another classmate. I kept trying to be like those I thought were successful, but it wasn’t working.

Although I felt overwhelmed by the challenges, my determination to reach my goals helped me not give up. Every day I would get up and tell myself I needed to give my all. However, I decided to add to that message by encouraging myself to start running this race like me. In other words, I needed to stop trying to do things like others were doing them and start taking advantage of my own talents. It was the best advice I gave myself. More importantly, it worked — really well.

By the spring semester, I had completely turned around. I finished the first semester with high marks, started being more social with my classmates, and even attained my first opportunity to conduct research. The reason why I remember this so well is because I’m writing this now as a tenure-track professor. Not only did I receive my master’s, I continued my education and received my doctorate degree, as well. However, none of this would have happened if I kept trying to run my race like others. I needed to run my race in the way I knew best, to reach my goals. Once I did, I reached every finish line. If I could give anyone advice, I would say: Make sure you’re running your race as yourself. It’s the only way you’ll find your finish line. SS

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Dr. Stephen Spates is an assistant professor of communication at Missouri State University. He partners with several organizations across the campus and Springfield community.