And those who know your name put their trust in you, for you,
O Lord, have not forsaken those who seek you, (Psalm 9:10).
Cancer. Chemo. Covid.
Words I’ve come to hate. Words that are all tough on their own, but collectively are extremely difficult to navigate. Because chemotherapy caused me to be immune compromised, I had to be especially careful in the previous COVID-19 surge. While I don’t pretend online church is equal to in-person church, it’s an option I was thankful for. And as I was faithful to “attend,” God was faithful to show up.
words + photographs BECKY BLACK
Late last year, just after a major surgery and at the beginning of chemotherapy treatments, as I was listening to online service, our church sang a song I’d heard many times: New Name Written Down in Glory. On this particular day, there was a line that stood out to me. “I’ve met the author of my story.” Wow! God is authoring my story. And I’ve met Him! And I know Him well enough to know there is no one more trustworthy to write my story.
Many have told me to have faith and to trust God during this cancer journey that started September 2021. My diagnosis is stage IV colon cancer. It’s a diagnosis with a grim prognosis. I feel like my faith is strong, but I’ve never been able to say confidently, “I have faith God will heal me of this disease.”
We’d likely be guilty of writing a story making me comfortable, but doing little to make God known.
Some are able to claim this and feel God speaking it to them, but that’s not the case for me. I do actually believe He will heal me, but I do not know on which side of heaven healing will happen. I haven’t given up hope for my life here on earth, and I continue to pray for healing. I pray I will be around to see all my kids graduate, get married and have children. I want this for them more than for myself.
For me, “to die is gain” (Philippians 1:21), but, having lost my own mom too soon, I know what it’s like to raise your kids without your momma around, and I don’t want that for my kids. So I pray, “Yet not my will, but yours be done” (Luke 22:42).
I don’t know His will for me or for my family. I don’t believe this shows a lack of faith. In fact, it’s complete trust in His writing of my story. If I could hand the pen to anyone in this world; maybe if my mom could have authored my story, or my husband, best friend, or even myself, none of us would have written cancer into the story. Each one loves me too much to do so. We’d likely be guilty of writing a story making me comfortable, but doing little to make God known.
COVER Becky Black with her husband, John and ABOVE their kids: Kate, Wes and Morgan. Their much-loved Lucy Moose recently passed away of cancer.
Yet, I know one with a perspective none of us can comprehend. One who loves me more than any of us can comprehend. And when I really think of who I trust most with that pen, it’s Him.
There’s NO ONE I trust more.
Even if my story includes cancer. I have plenty of fears, and sometimes sadness, about it. But I’ve met, and I trust, the author of my story. My job now is to take this story and use it for His glory, even (especially) the scary and sad parts. BB
Becky Black married her high school sweetheart, John, 25 years ago. She is currently a stay-at-home mom of three children, Morgan (20), Wesley (18), and Kate (15), and their puppy, Bruno, a goldendoodle. The family lives in Springfield, Missouri.
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