“O LORD, don’t rebuke me in your anger or discipline me in your rage. Have compassion on me, LORD, for I am weak. Heal me, LORD for my bones are in agony. I am sick at heart. How long, O LORD, until you restore me? Return, O LORD, and rescue me. Save me because of your unfailing love. For the dead do not remember you. Who can praise you from the grave? I am worn out from sobbing. All night I flood my bed with weeping, drenching it with my tears. My vision is blurred by grief; my eyes are worn out because of all my enemies. Go away, all you who do evil, for the LORD has heard my weeping. The LORD has heard my plea; the LORD will answer my prayer. May all my enemies be disgraced and terrified. May they suddenly turn back in shame.”
I struggle. Daily.
Some days I am overwhelmed with sadness.
There are moments when I feel like I may truly lose it.
Occasionally, anger surprises me.
Fear can linger around the edges of my heart. Insecurity batters me until I feel like I may drown.
My heart can pound like a thousand running horses.
I am victorious. Daily.
I get out of bed.
I sit and soak up God’s Word. Reading His love letter to me, I remind myself that He alone is trustworthy and true.
Praying and talking to my Father. The One who created me.
Choosing to write down everything I am thankful for and thinking on these gifts.
I struggle, but I don’t want to live in that place.
I want to live in the joy and strength that God has for me each day. It is there.
Waiting for me to saturate my mind with the goodness of God. Drawing me to reach out to the lover of my soul.
“How sweet your words taste to me; they are sweeter than honey. Your commandments give me understanding; no wonder I hate every false way of life. Your Word is a lamp to quide my feet and a light for my path.”
“Your laws are my treasure; they are my heart’s delight.”
Psalms 119:103-105, 111
“I will praise you, LORD, with all my heart; I will tell of all the marvelous things you have done.
I will be filled with joy because of YOU. I will sing praises to YOUR name, O Most High.”
“He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless. Even youths will become weak and tired, and young men will fall in exhaustion. But those who trust in the LORD will find new strength. They will soar high on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. They will walk and not faint.”
Father, help us focus our wild thoughts on you alone. Fill us with your strength and joy. Give us Your victory this very moment.
Joy Bilyeu-Steele is a grateful, messed up lover of Jesus.
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