Cancer.

A word that even today, on the other side, is still hard for me to write. When I used to hear someone had a cancer diagnosis, my thoughts immediately jumped to, “How heartbreaking that their life will end short.”

words + photographs SABRINA BROOKSHIRE

To me, cancer wasn’t survivable. Those were the only stories I had heard. Stories ending in earthly death. I had faced some adversity in life but never to this level. Never so personal. Adversity was now living in my own backyard and was planted there. This was not going away quickly.

Fear.

Fear crept into my heart and started to grow. My mind continually went through different scenarios and most of them didn’t include me. It played out a future without me in it. I had a supportive church family, but that didn’t take away the fear. I had an incredibly skilled surgeon on my side who was going to cut the cancer out of my body, but that didn’t take away the fear. I had an oncology team working to zap any of those cancer cells left floating around, but that didn’t take away the fear. The Lord has given me the most supportive, God-fearing husband I could have ever asked for, but that didn’t take away the fear.

On the sixth of 12 chemo treatments, the Lord reminded me of an amazing truth I knew, but now cling to in a deeper way. I was sitting outside to receive my treatment. The treatment center was rows of recliners with IV stands by each. You picked your recliner, plopped down next to someone, and waited for hours for your IV bags to empty as the poison pumped itself into your body. This was too invasive for me to handle well. Too public. At this stage in my journey, I needed privacy. So, early on I asked the nurse if there were another option. She said I could go outside. Done.

As I was hooked up to my IV that day, sitting so I could see the beautiful trees and grass instead of the treatment center, taking in the breeze, God tapped me on the shoulder and reminded me He can give me no bad thing. Emotionally, mentally, spiritually, — and almost physically — I had been running away from cancer. Living in fear; like God made a mistake. Like He hadn’t been in control. I felt as though He were a bystander who could have intervened, but chose not to. He just watched on the sideline with his hands on his hips.

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I felt as though God were a bystander who could have intervened, but chose not to.

If you are his child, He is always an active participant in your life. He is always working. I had to trust cancer was going to be the better path for my life. I had to trust it was going to grow me more into his image and bring glory to his name. I had to trust He was there the whole time, not just passively watching, but actively walking the path with me, consistently protecting my good and his glory.

A month after my diagnosis, my pastor’s wife was diagnosed with cancer. A month before we sat in my living room together, hand in hand, weeping. Now we were walking similar paths. There is a verse that became our anthem during treatment.

“I have set the Lord always before me; because he is at my right hand, I shall not be shaken,” (Psalm 16:8).

What does it mean “he is at my right hand”? It means David, the writer of this Psalm, had confidence in God. The right hand represented strength and power. He trusted in the Lord to protect and defend him and to be his strength. This gave David the confidence to not give way to fear. I mean, having the creator of the universe on your side gives you pretty good odds.

Fear and worry is something we all encounter, no matter our journey. As believers, how do we walk well when fear rears its ugly head?

Below are some truths I have learned along this journey that have helped me fight fear. These truths are not one and done. I consistently revisit many of these daily. We are forever a work in progress.

His Word.

Get into his Word. Seriously, do it. So basic, but we must cling to his Truth. Read it. Memorize it. Read it when you don’t feel like it. Read it when you do feel like it. Consistency. Stop waiting. Stop making excuses. Don’t say you don’t have time. Your spiritual health is most important. The Psalms are a great place to start. Many start by expressing hardship, but end with praise back to God.

Prayer.

Talk to Him. Be real. Cry out. Don’t stop. Don’t be afraid to be real about how you’re feeling. It doesn’t have to be pretty or perfectly worded. It helps me to write my prayers down. It can help with focus and reflection. It is great to go back and see how you have grown and how the Lord was faithful to answer.

Write it Down.

Write down moments He is real to you. Write down moments of victories. Celebrate and remember. Then, when it gets hard, open the journal, reflect and remember. He is real.

Community and Accountability. 

We were not meant to live this life alone. Surround yourself with positive people who listen well. Find yourself an accountability partner. Someone who is walking with the Lord, has similar goals, can be encouraging, but who will also call you out and say the hard stuff. You must be willing to accept both encouragement and correction from your accountability partner.

Repent.

You may not have expected this one. Did you know worry is a sin? Yep. Scripture talks about it. Praise the Lord we serve a forgiving God. I fail at this all the time. I don’t think we treat worry as something we need to repent of or turn away from. We run to God and want him to fix our external problems causing the fear, but we don’t ask him to fix our fear, worry, and doubt.

Get Outside.

I am never more reminded of God’s power than when I am in his creation. Step outside, soak in the beauty around you, and let it remind you He is creator and sustainer of life. He created the heavens and the earth. He also created you, loves you, and wants to give you no bad thing. If He created everything, He should be able to hold it all together. Look at his creation and may it remind you of the all-powerful creator. And the fresh air is bound to do you some good.

Remember the eternal.

Perspective is everything. Remember we are living for the eternal and not for the temporal. Our motivation, decisions, and perspective should be aimed toward eternal good, not our good here on earth.

Grace.

Show yourself grace. We are not machines, and we are not perfect. He doesn’t expect perfection. He understands the day was really hard, the season is really long, and we cannot handle it perfectly. Give yourself time. Give yourself space. Run to him with a willing heart, and He will be the strength for us.

Life is fragile. It is a hard, painful lesson to learn but at the same time, one of the best lessons to learn. Why? It reminds us of who we are made by and made for. The great artist of this world created you. If He were powerful enough to create you, He is powerful enough to be in control of your life from beginning until the end. Nothing happens outside of his control.

Sabrina Brookshire grew up in Springfield, Missouri, but currently resides in Hannibal with her husband, Caleb, and teaches theatre at Hannibal-LaGrange University. She has a huge heart for Western European missions and spent the past 20 summers leading groups of college students to help serve in various ways. She has a passion for travel, videography, photography, and music.

COVER Sabrina and Caleb Brookshire are still adventuring. God has restored her health, and all of her scans have been clean. No cancer. “You can survive and thrive,” Sabrina says.

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